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Email Errors
It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can
be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.
Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled
streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a
business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a
quicke-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had
written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from
memory.
Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed
instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed
away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her
e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing
scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note
on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival
tomorrow.
PS. Sure is hot down here.
Code Words
There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who
kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday,
in the pulpit, he said, "if I
hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked
him, so they
came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery
would say they had "fallen".
This seemed to satisfy
the old priest and things went well, until the
priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived,
he
visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest
said, "you have to do something about the sidewalks
in town. When people
come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen." The
Mayor started to laugh,
realizing that no-one had told the new priest
about the code word.
Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook
an accusing finger at the
mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, Your wife fell
three times this
week."
Genie in a Bottle
There was a blonde, brunette, and a redhead stranded on an island. They came across a genie in a bottle, and he told
them that he can grant three wishes, one per each of them. The brunette wished that the genie would make her smart so she
could get off the island. He made her smart and she swam off the island.
The redhead asked the genie to make her smarter than the brunette, so she could get off the island too. He made her smarter
than the brunette, and she built a boat and paddled off the island.
The blonde came and asked to be made smarter than both of them, so she could get off the island. The genie made her a
man and she walked across the bridge.
Interesting Facts
If you yelled for 8 years,7 months and 6 days you would have
produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas
is produced to create
the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps
out to the
body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(Super Soaker!!! Holy Crap!)
A cockroach will live nine days without
its head before it
starves to death.
(So that explains it...)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories
an hour.
(So that is why I'm not fat??)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human
jumping
the length of a football field.
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(Yummy... mud on the bottom of a lake)
Some
lions mate over 50 times a day.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(WOW!!!)
Right-handed people live, on
average, nine years longer than
left-handed people do.
Elephants are the only animal that cannot jump.
(We'll
see about that...)
A cat's urine glows under a blacklight.
(Who's the sick freak who tried that one out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains.
(I
know some people like that too.)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for
pleasure.
(Hmmm...
I always knew dolphins were smart.)
D.U.I. Enforcement
One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly
rowdy bar for possible violations of the
driving-under-the-influence
laws.
At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on
the curb, and try his keys on five different
cars before he
found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his
keys for several minutes. Everyone left
the bar and drove off.
Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.
The police officer was waiting for
him. He stopped the driver,
read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The
results showed a reading
of 0.0.
The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the designated
decoy."
Superbowl...
A guy named Joe receives a free ticket to the SuperBowl from his
company. Unfortunately, when Joe arrives at the stadium,
he
realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the
stadium--he's closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field.
About
halfway through the first quarter, Joe sees through his
binoculars an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on
the 50
yardline.
He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the
stadium and around the security guards
to the empty seat. As he
sits down, Joe asks the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse
me, is anyone sitting here?"
The man says, "No."
Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Joe
again inquires of the man next
to him, "This is incredible! Who
in their right mind would have a seat like this at the SuperBowl
and not use it?!"
The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat
belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she
passed away.
This is the first SuperBowl we haven't been
together at since we got married in 1967."
"Well, that's really sad,"
said Joe, "but still, you couldn't
find anyone to take the seat? A friend or close relative?" "No,"
the man replies,
"They're all at the funeral."
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